Coincidence, or not?
Small world? We all have experienced at some point being in awe after meeting a stranger who turns out is connected to us in a special way — they may have the same birthday, lived down the block from us, or have a bunch of mutual friends.
Statistically speaking, coincidences are not as random as we think they are. For example, six degrees of separation is the idea that all people are six, or fewer, social connections away from each other. The likelihood of running into a stranger who has a mutual connection is not that rare.
Another interesting phenomenon is that we begin to notice things as soon as we become aware of them. This is known as the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon or frequency illusion. It describes our tendency to notice things more often once we become invested in them. For example, once you start learning about rocket science you all of a sudden “randomly” begin to meet more people that are also treading in the same quirky and esoteric subjects. What are the odds, right?
The frequency of an event occurring does not suddenly increase after we learn about it (obviously). Rather, our brain seems to be excited by the fact that we’ve learned something new, and selective attention occurs. We start noticing more people talking about it, or related things popping up in our lives more often. (Ok, Facebook and Google’s retargeting ads may also play a big part in this phenomenon.)
But math and statistics are dry. Believing in coincidences is romantic. It makes us feel that destiny somehow played a part and put us in that specific moment to meet that person that changed the course of our lives.
I do believe that there is some randomness involved in the journey of life. I also believe “the harder I work, the luckier I get.” Putting in the work allows you to see farther and jump on opportunities that may be in front of you and perhaps otherwise would not see.
I’ll leave you with one recent “coincidence” I experienced. This week I was on a long plane ride from London to San Francisco. In a “random” turn of events, I end up meeting Peter who is starting a company that is focusing on studying why we age. I happen to know a thing or two having worked at Elysium Health, a pioneer in the space.
I’m shy and rarely strike up conversations with strangers on planes, but as luck had it we were on the back of the plane and in an attempt to kill some time, I engaged in conversation. He goes on to tell me he was headed to San Francisco to start a new company. Not that rare. “I’m working on a moonshot.” Somewhat rare. “I want to extend human life.” Rare.
Hours later, we finally return to our seats after some very passive-aggressive flight attendant announcements (probably directed straight at us) that “US federal law prohibits passengers from congregating in the back of the plane.” So much for killing our vibe.
I’m not sure what the odds of meeting Peter are (probably very low). But I do believe one thing is for certain: had I not taken a leap beyond my comfort zone to talk to him, I would have never discovered that we happen to have so much in common. Had I not taken an interest in learning about Peter’s life, he probably would have not opened up to tell me about his crazy moonshot idea to extend the human lifespan.
Life is a set of encounters (some more random than others). More importantly, we have the ability to influence the frequency of random encounters that may enrich our lives beyond statistical belief. It’s too easy to go about our days immersed in our phones and social circles without taking these “risks.” Coincidences are reminders that there is so much left to discover out there.
Whether these magical encounters are coincidences or not, it doesn’t matter. What matters is that I made a new friend and may end up investing in his company.
This episode has left me wondering how many times I’ve passed up on opportunities because I was too shy or afraid to take the first step. Every time these “coincidences” happen, I remind myself to do it more often – to venture outside my comfort zone, strike up more conversations with strangers, and to learn something new. It reminds me that life is a combination of luck, randomness, and preparedness. In concert, magical stuff tends to happen. There is infinite upside (and almost no downside) in embracing the randomness of life.
There may be a new person, opportunity or experience waiting for you on the other end. Take comfort that you can always return to your comfort zone. Sometimes, no action is the biggest risk of them all. The choice is entirely up to you, and that is not up to randomness or coincidences.
Special thanks to Tess Hatch for inspiring this post.